Daily Manna
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| An Uncle's Testimony |
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| Written by Ashley and her Uncle Mike | |
| Wednesday, 09 January 2008 | |
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The testimony that you are about to read is awesome! It is very inspiring, thought provoking, and profound. Ashley's Post on SWPiedmont Mommies: My Uncle Mike died from complications of gastric cancer on Jan. 3, a bit less than a year after his diagnosis. He stayed physically active until the last couple months of his life...and mentally active until the last week or so, when he got snowed under by the pain meds. The testimony was written by Mike on his laptop from his hospital bed. It was completed on December 17, 2007 and was read by Perry at his funeral on January 6, 2007. The funeral was conducted by Reverend Mitchell Roller at Sweet Haven Church in Rockingham, N.C. Mike is buried at East Side Cemetery in Rockingham. ************************************************************ My Testimony Most of you are Christians, and many of you have made public testimonies about the power, love and grace of God. In these testimonies you have related your personal experiences with God. Unfortunately, because I became a Christian near the end of my life, I have only one shot at making my testimony. First, I want all of those people who I love, and who love me, to understand that as my body began to die, I also began a spiritual awakening. I went through this spiritual awakening through prayer, and it's an awakening that I wish I had experienced as a young man. I don't believe this spiritual awakening is due to fear, as more skeptical people might think, but I believe it's due to an increased understanding of spiritual matters, which understanding I arrived at through prayer. This includes an understanding that there are spiritual truths that are beyond my comprehension. The fact that I can't understand all things spiritual, has no bearing on the truth of those things. Those things that are true, are true - regardless of whether I'm capable of understanding them. I'm going to ramble a bit about different paths to the truth, about the role of science in relation to my spiritual growth on the one hand, and about spiritual misunderstandings on the other, and about the truths to which I was led by prayer. I hope you will bear with me if these ramblings become a little tedious. It has been said that there are at least three paths to truth, but regardless of which path is taken, God is ultimately the only source and teacher of truth. These three paths to truth are 1 - the scientific method, 2- reason, and, 3 - divinely revealed truths. The scientific method is an ongoing process of discovery which has proved reliable in learning more-and-more about the material universe. The process is never complete, because answers to old questions usually lead to new questions. The scientific method is applicable only to what might be termed "objective reality." It assumes that there is a material universe that exists separately and distinctly from the observer, and which can be discovered by setting hypotheses, gathering empirical evidence relevant to those hypotheses, and testing those hypotheses. Hypotheses which are proven by empirical evidence are retained, and those which are disproved are discarded. By a continuing process of refinement and further testing, reliable truths about the material universe may eventually be arrived at. Reason relies on the power of the human mind to arrive at ultimate truths. For thousands of years, philosophers and other learned people have analyzed many of life's most difficult questions in detail that few of us can appreciate. One famous question which has often been asked, in one form or another, is "Why are we here?" Divine revelation is a process by which truths that cannot be known by the other two paths, are revealed directly from the mind of God. Unfortunately, all three methods involve human elements, and we humans are far from perfect. We allow sloppy experimental methods, misinterpretations, bias, and sometimes outright fraud, to enter any process of arriving at truths. Consequently, in practice all three of the above methods have problems and leave some doubts. For example, the scientific method is applicable only to "objective reality." Realities other than objective reality might exist, but the scientific method isn't applicable for discovering truths about those "nonobjective realities." A scientist would say that realities other than objective reality are "dogmatic" and not within the realm of science. Sloppiness, bias and fraud can taint results and lead away from the truth. Attempts to discover truths by reason have resulted in a hodge-podge of conflicting ideas. After thousands of years of deep reasoning by some of the most brilliant minds ever produced by the human race, we still don't have an answer to the fundamental question, "Why are we here?" Nor does science provide an answer. Almost any person, from charlatans to prophets, might claim to have gleaned a supposed truth by divine revelation. When a person claims to have acquired a truth by divine revelation, it's often difficult for other people to test the validity of the claim. The ancients devised strict tests for those who claimed to be prophets, and the punishment for false prophets was harsh. However, today self-proclaimed prophets rarely suffer severe consequences for their incorrect predictions. Modern false prophets strive to make certain that we remember their correct predictions, or "hits," and conveniently forget their predictions that prove wrong. My primary confusion has been between scientific matters and the spiritual. I have placed a strong reliance on what might be termed "objective reality" or the "material universe," (which may be discovered by easily understood methods), and I've always been skeptical of any specific account of a spiritual world. I have always considered the existence and nature of the spiritual - a "non-objective reality" - to be difficult to test or prove, and rightly so. There might be many non-objective realities, and there might be only a few. The non-objective nature of these realities, by definition, makes it impossible to know. A spiritual universe that exists in some indescribable transcendent place, would be one such non-objective reality. Those of you who know me best, know that I've always put my faith in objective reality - in the so-called "real world" - and I've put my faith in the scientific method for gleaning truths about that objective reality. In fact, my faith in objective reality and the scientific method have been so strong as to almost blind me to the possibility that other nonobjective realities likely exist, and that there might be truths about those realities that cannot be discovered by the scientific method. My mindset has been so strong, that I've been willing to accept the limitations of science. When a scientific limit is reached, I accept the fact that I can never know more about a particular subject, without letting that limitation detract from my belief in the truths that have already been discovered. However, when some spiritual matter is revealed by the Bible or by some other spiritual source, I have tended to poo-poo the idea because it's dogmatic and cannot be explained by the scientific method or by reason. In other words, when science is ineffective at answering my questions and dispelling any doubts about the so-called "real world,", I accept that ineffectiveness as a limitation of the tools devised by humans, while continuing to believe in the truths already learned. However, when a religious text, or some other source of spiritual knowledge, failed to dispel my spiritual doubts, I tended to disregard truths that might already have been taught, and throw the baby out with the bath-water. This has been true even though science itself indicates that non-objective realities are, in fact, real, and that all of objective reality might have emanated from a non-objective reality. In other words, everything that I think of as real, and subject to the scientific method, came from a non-objective reality about which science can never hope to teach me anything at all. Let me give a few examples: Current scientific thinking is that the universe was created in a "big bang" event about 13 billion years ago. At the time of the big bang, all of the matter and energy in the universe was condensed into a "singularity." A singularity, in this context, is an infinitesimally small point. In fact, it's so small as to not have any spacial dimensions and may be said to have been compressed out of existence, leaving only its gravitational field. Scientists have been able to empirically test the big bang hypothesis back to within milliseconds of the singularity. As we approach the singularity, we pass a limit called the "threshold horizon." The threshold horizon is the point at which the escape velocity from the singularity is greater than the speed of light. The speed of light in a vacuum is the ultimate speed in the universe and nothing can move faster. (This is a well established law of physics.) Since nothing can travel faster than the speed of light, and since the escape velocity at the threshold horizon is greater than the speed of light, there is no mechanism by which we can gather empirical information beyond that horizon. However, scientists assume that the mathematics which apply to our universe, continue to apply to the universe beyond the threshold horizon. This assumption is unprovable, but once made it's possible to describe conditions to points very close to the singularity. But, here's the clincher: At the singularity, even the math fails. All of the laws of nature cease to have any meaning. All natural laws cease to exist. Any mathematical equation which might be worked up to the point of the singularity should hold true, but at the singularity, the mathematical result of any equation would be the same as dividing any number by the number zero. Zero will go into any other number an infinite, or indeterminate, number of times. At the singularity, all of the laws of nature cease to exist. This is a physical limitation that cannot be overcome by future technology. It's not possible, either now or in a million years, for the scientific method to teach us what happens at the singularity or before the big bang. We can't even discuss, with any real meaning, what happened "before" he singularity, because time and space itself were created at the instant of the big bang. Before the big bang, time itself did not exist. When I say that something is "impossible," I mean that it conflicts with the laws of physics. Since the laws of physics, i.e., the laws of nature, cease to exist at the singularity, then anything is possible. I have always put my faith in an objective reality that emanated from that singularity, and I have accepted the fact that what happened at, or "before," the singularity is outside the realm of science, without disregarding the truths that science has discovered about our material universe up to the singularity. I have had little confidence in accounts of a spiritual world, although science itself leads us to the conclusion that all of objective reality came from a non-objective reality that seems more akin to something spiritual than to something material. It seems likely that the non-objective source of all of the material universe, and thus the source of all of objective reality, must be greater than the thing that was created from that source. If that non-objective reality is in the realm of the spiritual, then that spiritual reality must be much greater than the objective universe that emanated from it. Science can NEVER understand what happened before the singularity, or what caused the big bang. However, the universe DOES seem to exist. It came into existence regardless of whether we understand how. It would appear that a "dogmatic" or "non-objective" universe is the mother of all of reality and that it is far more important than the objective material universe itself. It might well be true that the material universe is merely a fleeting temporary vapor - a mere shadow or reflection of a reality which is much, much greater in scope and meaning. I might very well have been wrong in placing so much value on that mere shadow, and so little on the source. As another example, there's a principle of physics called "the conservation of mass and energy." This principle states, broadly, that all of the matter and energy that existed at the time of the big bang has remained constant throughout the history of the universe. Matter and energy can be changed in form, but the sum total of all mass and energy has remained constant since the beginning of time. What this means is that the matter and energy that now make-up my physical body, have always existed, since the beginning of time, although it has changed in the various forms it has taken. I'm writing this in late December, 2007. Where was I back 200 years ago, in the year 1807? All of the matter and energy that make-up my body, existed in 1807, but I wasn't in the form of an entity named "Mike." In 1807 the matter and energy that now make-up my body were probably dirt in the ground. I existed, but I didn't exist in a complexly organized form that could think and wonder at the mysteries of the universe, or about my place in it, or about the existence and role of God. If someone had approached that dirt in the ground 200 years ago, and asked, "Do you know of any mechanism by which you might become a conscious being who's capable of marveling at the universe?" my silence would have been deafening. Such a mechanism was, in fact, available, but I was incapable of understanding it in the form that I took in 1807. My limited understanding that there was a natural mechanism available for converting dirt into a conscious being, came only after that transformation had been made - sometime after I was born on August 15, 1942. Now, in 2007, I find myself in the form of a thinking entity who can marvel at the universe and wonder about my place in it, and wonder about the nature of God. However, if someone should now ask me, "Do you know of any mechanism by which your mind and soul might survive the physical death of your body?" I would have to answer, "NO." In my present form I don't have the ability to comprehend such a mechanism. In the past, I've always poo-pooed suggestions of any such mechanism for the simple reason that I couldn't imagine one. The mind and personality seem to be bound to the brain and all material indications are that the mind dies with the brain. In 1807, when I was dirt in the ground, I was in a form that prevented me from understanding that the dirt could become "Mike." Yet that dirt DID, in fact, become Mike by a process that I didn't create. The fact that I couldn't understand how the dirt of which I then consisted, could become a living, thinking, loving entity, had no bearing on the fact that such a mechanism was, in fact, available. My understanding, or lack of understanding, had no bearing of the truth of the matter It happened. I came into existence as a thinking Mike, and I had nothing to do with my own creation. It came about by mechanisms beyond my control or understanding. I didn't make myslef, I was made by God. My inability to understand something, doesn't mean that the thing is not true. Science and reason fail me when it comes to acquiring a complete understanding of non-objective things that might actually comprise profound truths. My puny human mind is so far below the mind of God that I could never hope to understand all of His methods. Of course, I've prayed throughout my life, but now that the end is near, prayer has become paramount. Prayer has always been difficult, in part because of my tendency to try to talk to God in the same manner in which I speak to friends. When I'm speaking to a friend, I'll verbalize the primary thoughts that I wish to convey to that friend. However, my mind will be holding on to secondary thoughts that I don't wish to share. I'll place those secret thoughts into a separate mental compartment and keep them from the friend. The motives for not sharing these thoughts are varied: It might be that the secondary thoughts would weaken the argument of my primary verbalized thoughts, or that I have some embarrassing secret I don't want the friend to know. Whatever the motive, I'm not being completely above-board when speaking to my friend. There's a tendency to also do this when praying. I'll pray in primary thoughts which I want God to hear, but I'll tend to try to place secondary thoughts into that same mental compartment where they're not available. For example, I might be admitting, in primary thoughts, that I'm a sinner, while my secondary thoughts are that "actually I'm admitting my sinful nature because, in doing so, God will think I'm a pretty good ole boy." At some point I'll become aware of what I'm doing, and will realize that this is GOD that I'm speaking to, not some naive friend. God knows all the intimate details of my mind, even better than I do. I can't get-away with shooting Him a bunch of bunk.. I'll then come clean and apologize to God for attempting to deceive Him, and attempt to purge my mind of those secondary thoughts. However, I'll usually find myself slipping back into this habit. I find that it's difficult to communicate with God without attempting these common human habits. Sometimes, when I prayed, I had the feeling that I had made contact with God and had established a rapport, and at other times I wasn't sure whether I was merely engaging in a mental exercise and that God didn't hear my prayer at all. Sometimes when I prayed my mind would drift and I seemed to fall into a pattern of an imagined conversation with God. I viewed these traits as failures in my attempts to pray. However, i recently read a magazine article based on Mother Teresa's diary, and Mother Teresa, who was considered by many to be one of the most spiritual people of the twentieth century, discussed her own lifelong struggle with often feeling as if God wasn't listening to her prayers. She also wrote of a process of resolving spiritual questions through "prayerful dialog with God." I found it comforting to realize that Mother Theresa had doubts and concerns similar to mine, and I realized that when I thought my mind was drifting during prayer, I was actually going through a prayerful dialog with God through which many of my questions were resolved, and much of my confusion alleviated. It's blatantly obvious to God, to my loved ones, and to myself, that I'm a sinner. I began all of my prayers by first admitting that I'm a sinner and asking for forgiveness of my sins. I have apologized for my lack of faith and have asked God to understand me and to forgive me. I have come to realize that whereas my faith is weak, God's faith is infinite. In fact, only God has the faith and power to bring the universe into existence. I have humbly asked God to please understand my human limitations, and to provide me with the faith which I lack, from his infinite reservoir of faith. I have humbly recognized that God has the POWER to grant me salvation at any time He chooses, and on His own terms. My prayers have been directed toward the salvation of my immortal soul, and not often toward physical matters. I don't ask for a cure for my cancer, but I ask for eternal life in the presence and love of God in Heaven. I realize that God has offered me salvation as a gift. I can't earn salvation, but have merely to accept the offer which has been made through Jesus. I have confessed my confusion about the Trinity and about the full role of Jesus, and have asked God to understand my confusion, to forgive me for it, and to alleviate that confusion to the extent that He sees fit. I have come to realize that spiritual concepts, as with scientific concepts, I don't have to be fully understood for those concepts to be true. If I can't fully understand many things about the material universe, which is a mere shadow of all of reality, how can I ever hope to understand all spiritual matters? I have to put my trust in God, and I do -- completely. I know that Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Light, and that it was He who taught me that God has a loving, compassionate and forgiving nature. Only Jesus taught that salvation is available merely by accepting it as a beautiful gift from God. I pray directly to God the Father, as Jesus taught me to do with the Lord's Prayer. I always ask that God's will, and not mine, be done, but I often hope that His will is in accord with mine. Through prayerful dialog I have learned to always base my prayer on Jesus' name. In other words, I pray directly to God the Father, but I pray in Jesus' name. One of my cousins commented that he wasn't sure whether he would like to die suddenly, with no warning, or have warning as I have had. I consider the manner of my death to have been still another gift from God. God has seen fit to give me the time to arrange my financial and personal matters, to fully witness the love of my family, and, most importantly, to seek-out God with more conviction. My prayers for increased understanding of God and the spiritual, and for God's understanding of my limitations, have been answered, and I have humbly, and with great joy, accepted His gift of salvation. Although the manner of my death has caused substantial pain and suffering, nothing has been placed upon me that I couldn't bear. I have considered what Jesus went through. Jesus didn't have teams of "Pain Control" doctors and nurses who administered narcotics and utilized modern techniques to alleviate His pain. He suffered beatings and the horror of crucifixion without the concerted attempts at helping him that I have had. Jesus, too, asked that "this cup be lifted from me," but only if it was His Father's will. God gave me 65 years, but He gave Jesus only 33. God has been more lenient with me than He was with Jesus, and I certainly have no right to expect it. I give my life up because God has decreed that now is my time to go and I have no choice. Jesus had the power to avoid death, yet yielded to His Father's will and freely gave His life up, at a young age, for my salvation. I don't fully understand how all of these things interrelate, but, my lack of understanding has no bearing on the truth of the matter. I want to emphasize that one of the most important things I have learned on my death bed, is that when a thing is true, it's true regardless of how well I understand it. An unborn baby might think that the entire universe is a warm, wet, sack about a foot in diameter -- i.e., his mother's womb. He is born kicking and screaming against his will. The act of being born is terrifying as his comfortable universe crumbles and he is squeezed into a greater reality. Suddenly he sees light for the first time, and sees the faces of his mother and father. He comes to realize that the universe is much greater than a warm, wet, sack about a foot in diameter, but is millions of light years in diameter and is populated by marvelous things - stars, planets, and galaxies that were beyond his comprehension while in the womb. Only a few short months before his birth, he was dirt in the ground with no ability to understand anything. I look forward to my death with mixed emotions, but with surprisingly little fear. I haven't suffered from any depression at all, and I don't understand why. Apparently depression depends more on an individual's brain chemistry than on the circumstances of his life. In some sense, it's like preparing or one of the summer trips that I took with my mother and the kids as the kids were growing up. There's an excitement to my upcoming change in residence from this material reality to a greater reality. I look forward to living in a universe that's as far beyond this one as this universe was above the tiny womb. One of my cousins, Morrell, died several years ago at age 64. Many people remember Morrell as he was late in life after mental illness robbed him of his dignity. I hope to have a conversation with him, with his schizophrenia stripped away, his intellect on a par with genius, and his old moral side restored. I look forward to meeting my brother, Wren, with his soul redeemed by the same forgiving, grace-filled and powerful God who redeemed me. I look forward to exploring a universe that no eye has ever seen with Morrell, Wren, and other loved ones who have gone on before me, but with all of us rectified and made right by God's awesome power and grace. When the time comes for my cousins, sisters, nephews, nieces, and other loved ones, to join me, I hope to be able to give them the grand tour. "So you visited the Grand Canyon after my death? -- Big deal," I' might say. "Let me show you a canyon that's so huge that you can place Planet Earth inside it." Together we can explore sights beyond our imagination in perfect harmony, health and love. I don't understand the mechanisms by which these things will happen. But the truth of their reality stands alone whether I do or don't fully understand. God's plan and God's truths, have never depended upon my input, and they don't depend upon it now. I hope, pray and BELIEVE that, although my understanding of many spiritual matters is imperfect, my salvation is complete and perfect. I have trusted God for that salvation, and I have made my request in the name of Jesus Christ. I look forward to greeting all of you at some time in the future, and of spending eternity rejoicing with you and praising God in a perfect Heaven that's beyond our imagination. We won't be required to praise God, but praise for Him will come spontaneously when we more fully meet His glory. We simply won't be able to resist praising Him. It's gonna be FUN! With all my love, Mike |
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